Grieving Your Eating Disorder
There may be a part of you that wishes you could continue your eating disorder behaviors forever. After all, disordered eating has been a constant in your life, a reliable way of coping. It’s something that you can control, something that is yours and yours alone. There is a sense of safety in your eating disorder.
It’s normal to grieve your eating disorder, even when you know recovery is necessary. You wouldn’t have turned to your eating disorder if it didn’t help you in some way. Now that you know disordered eating is more harmful than helpful, it’s time to heal what’s underneath with curiosity and compassion and be open to new ways of being in the world.
It’s totally okay to not be ready to let go of your behaviors. We know recovery is a process and takes time. Your eating disorder and body shame didn’t develop overnight, and they won’t go away overnight either.
Like any massive change in life, eating disorder recovery can bring on grief.
Recovery Can Bring On Unstable Feelings
When you start to recover you might feel unstable. There may be a void in your life that you don’t know how to fill. You may grieve the way your eating disorder made you feel, whether it was feelings of accomplishment, strength, comfort, or power.
Maybe you have to grieve the ‘ideal’ body you were working towards or the body you had before recovery. Or maybe you aren’t sure who you are anymore without your eating disorder because it’s been a part of you for so long.
As with any loss, you will learn how to adapt to life without your eating disorder. This does not mean you will never think about it again. It is okay to miss it. Grieving your eating disorder does not mean you are failing at recovery.
Even though most grief process frameworks are developed for grief around the loss of a loved one, we can still apply those processes to eating disorder grief. Take, for example, the Six R’s of Mourning.
Rando’s Six R’s of Mourning
Recognize The Loss
This means acknowledging the loss and understanding the loss. Appreciate how your eating disorder tried to help you feel safe and loved, and acknowledge that it is time to care for yourself in new ways.
React to The Separation
This process involves experiencing the pain, feeling, identifying, accepting, and expressing reactions to the loss. It includes identifying and reacting to secondary losses.
A secondary loss within your eating disorder recovery may include clothes you have to give away because they no longer fit you.
Recollect and Re-Experience
The person or things that are no longer in your life and the relationship: this requires realistically reviewing and remembering them, as well as reviving and re-experiencing feelings.
Part of eating disorder recovery is reviewing your worst days and re-experiencing feelings that led to your disordered eating behaviors.
Relinquish Old Attachments
Attachments to the person or things that are no longer in your life and the old assumptive world.
For eating disorder recovery, this may mean unlearning beauty standards and toxic diet culture food rules.
Readjust
Move adaptively into the new world without forgetting the old world: this means developing a new relationship with the person or things that are no longer in your life, adopting new ways of being in the world, and establishing a new identity.
Why would you want to remember your eating disorder and “develop a new relationship” with it?
Whether you realize it yet or not, you have learned so much about yourself, your needs, your relationships, and the things that really matter in life. When you recall the times you were limited by your eating disorder, missing out on life, and focusing on all the wrong things, you’ll be able to see your true values more clearly.
Make Personality Adjustments
In terms of developing a new relationship with your eating disorder, remember that the personality attributes that may have made you more susceptible to disordered eating, and the strengths that your eating disorder weaponized against you aren’t inherently bad.
Personality traits like drive, attention to detail, conscientiousness, and novelty-seeking can be healthy and positive when channeled into other areas of your life.
Reinvest
This means putting emotional energy into new people, goals, etc.
Eating disorders take up a lot of brain space and emotional energy. Now that you are getting your life back, you have the chance to reassess what you value and determine your purpose and goals.
Unlearning Behaviors Isn’t Easy
Unlearning behaviors and ideas about yourself and the world around you are not easy. Be patient with yourself in recovery, and allow yourself to grieve.
Kindful Body is here to support your eating disorder recovery with online therapy and nutrition counseling in California.
Start Grief Counseling in California
Don’t struggle with grieving your eating disorder alone. At Kindful Body our skilled team of therapists provides a safe and supportive space to help you cope with your grief. To start your counseling journey follow these simple steps:
Meet with a caring grief counselor
Learn to process your grief and heal from your eating disorder.
Other Services Available at Kindful Body
In addition to grief counseling, Kindful Body offers support for low self-esteem issues, emotional eating recovery, nutrition counseling, binge eating disorder, and body image. When you’re ready, we are here to help you with your eating disorder recovery whether you need eating disorder treatment in Sacramento, San Jose, Oakland/Berkeley, Walnut Creek, San Mateo, Orange County, CA, or anywhere online in California. Learn more about us by checking out our blog and FAQs page!