How to Talk with Family Members Who Make Body Comments
It’s no one’s place to comment on your body or anyone else’s body, but we all know that doesn’t stop people from doing it.
If you dread holidays, family dinners, or even everyday interactions with family members because of the body comments they’ll inevitably make, it can be hard to feel safe and comfortable at home.
When someone comments on your body, it’s often easier to stay silent or thank them if they were intending to compliment you. It can be hard to know what to say, because, with family, we’re often afraid of being ‘rude’ or ‘causing a scene.’
It’s not your job to educate your family members about body positivity or Health at Every Size, or to tell them about your process of healing your body image. No one is entitled to your story, and you shouldn’t have to share it in order to make people think twice about commenting on your body.
Bringing up your eating disorder recovery or body image issues can be an effective way to shut down body comments, but that requires a vulnerability that doesn’t always feel safe in a family environment. There are ways of talking with family members who make body comments without diving into a deeper discussion. Learning this communication in families is essential to feeling safe.
Here are some examples of direct but simple responses to body comments:
“I’d prefer if you didn’t comment on my body.”
“Please don’t comment on my body or anyone else’s.”
“I’m not interested in discussing weight loss or dieting with you.”
“Can we please change the subject?”
“I don’t think that is relevant.”
Depending on the situation and your level of comfort, you may choose to respond in a way that is both direct and lets your family know where you stand. Here are a few examples:
“I don’t think weight loss is something to compliment.”
“That wasn’t the compliment you think it was.”
“That made me uncomfortable.”
“I’m offended by that.”
“It’s not okay to comment on someone’s body like that.”
Personal relationship matters
How you choose to respond to family members who make body comments will depend on the circumstances and your personal relationship with those family members. This type of communication in families varies.
Know when the right time for you is to have this conversation
While it is important to choose honesty over ‘politeness,’ you can’t put pressure on yourself to start a conversation about body positivity or body neutrality, or even to just shut down those body comments in a direct and serious way.
You are vulnerable to comments about your body and dealing with enough internal shame. You don’t need the added responsibility of calling out your family members’ problematic behavior.
You can stand up for yourself without making it your mission to make your family see how diet culture has shaped the way they discuss food and bodies.
Education can improve communication in families but is not essential
If you do want to educate them, direct them to resources like this anti-diet book, the Body Positive organization, and The Body is Not an Apology.
Your #1 priority should be on healing your own relationship with your body. Read our blog on setting realistic body image goals, and consider if body image therapy may be right for you.
Begin Body Image Therapy in California to Improve Communication in Families and Work on Your Healing!
All of the clinicians at Kindful Body specialize in body image therapy in California. Working together we can support you to build resilience to keep yourself afloat in our culture that glorifies some bodies over others.
If you want to work on your relationship with your body, you can arrange to meet with one of them after completing a consultation.
Contact us for a free 15-minute video consultation to find out how we can help. Body image issues can steal the joy from your life. Together we will help you build resilience to weather any bad body image day, so you can authentically show up as yourself. Your journey to peace with your body and a better future is just a click away. Our eating disorder therapists and dietitians can help!
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Other Services Available at Kindful Body
Kindful Body offers body image therapy to clients 14 and older across California, as well as support for low self-esteem issues, emotional eating recovery, nutrition counseling, grief counseling, binge eating disorder, and relationship therapy. When you’re ready, we are here to help you with your eating disorder recovery whether you need eating disorder treatment in Sacramento, San Jose, Oakland/Berkeley, Walnut Creek, San Mateo, Orange County, CA, or anywhere online in California.