Navigating Dating in Eating Disorder Recovery
A common tip to navigating relationship issues and disordered eating is to first: Love yourself first!
This popular mantra might give you the idea that dating while in eating disorder recovery is the worst thing you could do. Having an eating disorder might present unique challenges in dating. However, having an eating disorder does not mean you will make a bad partner or that it will create relationship issues.
If we all waited to be perfectly healed before dating, many of us would not be in relationships until a long, long time from now. Healing is not linear. Triggers will always come up at different stages in our lives, including when we are dating. Recovery is not about learning to live with your eating disorder; it is about building a future without it. And for you, that might mean pursuing a relationship.
Should You Date While Recovering from an Eating Disorder?
If you are ready to start dating while in eating disorder recovery, here are a few things for you to think about:
No one’s approval of you or your body can help you heal
You still have to do the work in recovery to improve your body image and your self-perception. While it is nice to have validation from people who think we are attractive, that validation cannot cancel out or supersede how we feel about ourselves.
It’s important to be flexible in a relationship
It’s likely that flexibility is not your strong suit. Dating will challenge your rigidity. Not every date will be planned in advance; someone might enjoy romancing you with spontaneity. Your routine will change as you learn to incorporate another person into your life.
You don’t always have to plan dates around food
Avoiding food-centered activities isn’t necessarily an eating disorder behavior. If you need a break from the mental stress of eating in restaurants every week, it’s okay to plan something that doesn’t involve a meal every once in a while. That way, you can better focus on connecting with your date.
Relationship issues arise when your partner comes second to disordered eating
Your eating disorder cannot be your number one anymore, that creates relationship problems. If you want to have a fulfilling, close relationship, you have to be willing to free up some of your brain space and time that was previously consumed by your eating disorder. You can’t always choose gym sessions and home-cooked meals alone in your kitchen over dates.
Eating Disorder recovery comes first
Your partner can’t come second to the eating disorder, but recovery has to come first. That means you must prioritize your healing over any relationship you get into. If you need a higher level of care that may mean less time with your partner, choose what is best for you. Don’t let anyone get in the way of your recovery. If that worries you, consider relationship therapy in California for support.
You are worthy and you deserve love
You don’t have to earn food, and you don’t have to earn love either. You are good enough for another person. Accept compliments even if you don’t quite believe them. A good partner will love you for who you are.
When to Tell the Person You Are Dating About Your Eating Disorder
Choosing to tell the person you are dating about your eating disorder is a personal choice. You don’t owe it to anyone to be upfront about your illness. However, disclosing your eating disorder early on can help you show up more authentically in the relationship. This will create a foundation for trust and closeness.
Hiding Your Eating Disorder Will Create Relationship Issues
There is a difference between hiding your eating disorder and simply not telling someone that you have one. If you are reluctant to tell your partner about your eating disorder, consider what is stopping you. You might be afraid they will treat you differently, or that your eating disorder will be your whole personality to them. These are valid concerns. Talk about your eating disorder with your date only when you feel safe and ready.
Do you need support with dating and eating disorders? An eating disorder and relationship therapist can help you overcome these issues.
If you’re in California and would like support with recovering from body shame and disordered eating, reach out today for a free 15-minute consultation. Our team of compassionate, trauma-informed therapists is ready to help. You don’t have to do this alone.
Other Mental Health Services Kindful Body Offers
If you’re ready for support, contact us here to schedule your free 15-minute consultation. Our specialties include emotional eating, binge eating, eating disorder therapy, online eating disorder therapy, teens and college eating disorders, trauma therapy, relationship therapy, grief counseling, body image therapy, low self-esteem, nutrition counseling, and eating disorder treatment in California.
We have eating disorder therapists online in San Diego, Los Angeles, San Francisco, San Mateo, and across California. When you’re ready for support, we are here to help you overcome relationship issues and eating disorders.