Many people with eating disorders are familiar with the feeling of being caught in a tug-of-war with themselves, conflicted between two seemingly opposite motivations. One common example, but certainly not the only one, is the restrict-binge cycle, where periods of food restriction are followed by episodes of bingeing, which restarts the cycle again.
In this post, we’ll explore three of the most common conflicting urges (or polarizations) in eating disorders and how they’re understood through the non-pathologizing lens of the Internal Family Systems (IFS) Model. Our hope is that you’ll leave with a new, more compassionate perspective of your or your loved ones eating disorder—not as an enemy to defeat but your inner system’s way of trying to protect you from pain.
About IFS
IFS is an evidence-based, transformative therapy modality that views every human as a system of “parts”—Exiles, Managers, and Firefighters—and a core Self, undamaged by outside life circumstances, including trauma.
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- Exiles: These are the wounded, young parts of us that carry burdens of fear, pain, and shame from childhood. They’re exiled from our inner system by our protective parts (Managers and Firefighters), prompting them to go to extreme measures in an effort to exile the younger wounded parts of ourselves desperate to be heard and cared for.
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- Managers: These are the parts of our inner system that direct our day-to-day lives, using proactive strategies to suppress the pain of the Exiles. Body checking, following a restrictive diet, and self-isolating are a few of the common ways Managers might show up in eating disorders.
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- Firefighters: When Managers’ strategies fall short, these are the parts that jump in, using impulsive, often extreme strategies to numb the pain of the Exiles. In eating disorders, these might be binge-eating, purging, or self-harm, to name a few examples.
One of the fundamental principles of IFS is that, no matter how detrimental their behaviors are, there are “no bad parts”—they’re all working to keep you safe in the ways they know how. Therefore, the goal of IFS is not to eliminate or “fix” parts but to help them unburden and liberate them from the extreme roles they assumed in order to adapt to devaluing or traumatic life circumstances.
The unburdening process is a Self-led one. When parts feel witnessed and accepted by the Self, the true essence of every person and characterized by the qualities of confidence, calm, compassion, courage, creativity, clarity, curiosity, and connectedness, or what’s known in IFS as the 8 Cs, healing and transformation can take place.
What Are Polarizations?
In IFS, polarizations occur when two or more parts are in conflict with one another, each with its own agenda that directly opposes the other’s. Usually, polarizations arise between two protectors (Manager or Firefighters) that use different strategies to keep the person safe. As we said before, all parts, no matter how polarized they may be, are ultimately well-intentioned in their attempts to protect you from the vulnerability of your Exiles.
Polarizations are central to eating disorders and often intensify over time, causing eating disorder behaviors to become more extreme. From an IFS lens, eating disorder behaviors are not problems to be solved but signs of parts’ unresolved pain, which can be healed through the Self-part relationship.
Common Polarizations in Eating Disorders & Disordered Eating
Here are three of the most common eating disorder and disordered eating polarizations we see in clients struggling with food and their body.
Restrict vs. Binge
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- Restrict: This part is typically a Manager. It imposes rigid rules around one’s eating in order to feel safe, acceptable, and “in control.” It might also restrict food as a way to avoid inhabiting the body.
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- Binge: This part is a Firefighter that rebels against the restricting part’s authority, especially when the Exiles’ vulnerability begins to emerge. It can offer the person temporary relief from loneliness and emotional pain.
(Importantly, bingeing is not always from a part—it can also be a natural physiological response to food deprivation.)
When one part’s behaviors become more extreme, the other’s usually follow suit, strengthening the polarization. While some people with eating disorders arrive at therapy with an understanding of the negative impact food restriction is having on their lives, others come with the sole aim to stop binge eating, unaware of how their bingeing part is working in a direct dynamic with their restricting part.
Binge vs. Purge
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- Binge: As we said before, this part rebels against the restricting part’s reign and aims to “extinguish” the shame and pain of the Exiles by distracting from and numbing it.
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- Purge: This part, another firefighter, usually reacts to the shame and self-disgust that follows a bingeing episode. It purges (through compensatory exercise, vomiting or the use of laxatives, for example) as a way to “make up” for the actions of the bingeing part and regain a sense of control.
While the Restrict vs. Binge polarization occurs between a Manager and a Firefighter, respectively, the Binge vs. Purge polarization occurs between two Firefighters. Like in the restrict-binge cycle, the bingeing and purging parts also reinforce each other. Though these parts’ behaviors differ, they both are ultimately trying to guard the person from shame and distress.
Compy vs. Rebel
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- Comply: In someone with an eating disorder, this part, a Manager, may work tirelessly to follow external rules around food and bodies, like specific diet plans, rigid exercise routines, sociocultural beauty standards, and family norms, in order to feel a sense of belonging and prevent others’ judgment and rejection. Body checking, dieting, compulsive exercise, and social comparison are a few of the common ways this part shows up in an eating disorder.
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- Rebel: This part, a Firefighter, actively resists the external or internal rules to which the complying part adheres. It resents and judges the complying part’s fixation on these rules, desires autonomy and freedom, and feels tired of doing what’s expected or “right.” In an eating disorder and disordered eating, the rebelling part might eat “forbidden” foods in excess, reject exercise altogether, or even turn to self-harm.
Belonging and autonomy, the core values of the complying part and rebelling part, respectively, are both vital human needs. However, in environments (e.g., home, school, etc.) where love and approval felt conditional, the belonging-focused Manager may adopt increasingly compliant behaviors. In turn, the autonomy-focused Firefighter reacts rebelliously, believing that it’s the only way to preserve the person’s individuality.
Working with Polarizations in Eating Disorder Recovery
The above polarizations are just a few of the ones that might show up in an eating disorder or disordered eating. Even though their behaviors can be detrimental, these parts are doing the best they can to protect us from the pain and vulnerability of our Exiles. When we meet our polarized parts with compassion, understanding, and curiosity rather than blame and criticism, they can heal and reassume their more natural, supportive roles, allowing them to work together in harmony rather than remain locked in conflict.
Stay tuned for part two, where we’ll explore how IFS addresses these polarizations in depth and how you can shift from manager-led eating disorder recovery to a Self-led one.
Begin Eating Disorder Treatment at Kindful Body
If any of the above polarizations sound familiar, you’re not alone, and the Kindful Body team is here to help you heal. At Kindful Body, we utilize trauma-informed, evidence-based modalities, including Internal Family Systems, EMDR, and somatic therapies, as well as talk therapy modalities like CBT, DBT, and ACT.
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation with our Client Care Coordinator today to get connected with one of our caring clinicians and begin your eating disorder recovery journey today.
Other Services Offered by Kindful Body
Kindful Body offers a wide range of trauma-informed services, including trauma therapy, body image therapy, emotional eating therapy, and nutrition counseling—as well as therapy for anxiety and stress, low self-esteem and perfectionism, and relationship issues. You can begin online therapy from anywhere in California, such as Los Angeles, San Diego, San Carlos, San Francisco, Palo Alto, Burbank, Berkeley, and beyond. Reach out to us today to get started—we’re here to support you.
